哈佛大学公布的优秀录取文书之后三篇

申请哈耶普斯的同学一般都是各个学校的顶级学霸，通常情况下，他们在标化成绩、gpa方面都无法拉开差距，影响招生官的最大变数来自文书和课外活动，因此，文书如果能写出亮点，吸引到招生官，那么被录取的概率就会提升很多。

近日，哈佛大学公布了2020年入学的9名优秀申请者的文书，杨茗棋老师做了整理，申请2022年秋季入学的同学可以看一下。认真体会下优秀文书的语言风格，写作逻辑，以及如何讲好自己的故事的。

今年的申请者，可以提前着手文书的创作，还是那句话，申请名校，语言成绩只是敲门砖，真正赢得招生官青睐的还是要看文书是否打动他，活动是否有足够的含金量。

哈佛大学公开的这9篇文书完全符合了好文书的四个标准：correctness（准确），content（有料），clarity ﹙清晰﹚，creativity（新颖）。
准确：用词准确，时态、拼写和标点没有错误。这一标准用来评判学生是否具备基本英文写作能力。
有料：检查文章是否围绕学生自身来写，是否真实，是否展现学生个性、才能以及思想深度，能否引起反思。
清晰：文章简洁，观点清晰明确；运用恰当的措辞、词汇、语法以及多样精致的句式结构，这是即将步入大学的高中生应该必备的。
新颖：能否吸引读者的注意力？主题表达是否新颖？
一起来体会下（篇幅有限，本篇文章有3篇文书）：

第七篇essay（作者：lucien）
i sat uner the table, burying my hea tightly in my fole arms, while the other chilren sat on the carpet, listening to the teacher’s story. the language barrier was like a tsunami, gurgling with strange an inistinguishable vocalizations. elementary school wasn’t as fun as i expecte at all.

“hello?”
hearing a whisper, i raise my hea up, only to notice a boy’s face merely inches away. i bolte up in surprise, my hea colliing gracefully with the unersie of the table. yelping in pain, i notice that the entire class was staring at me.
that was the story of how i met my first frien in canaa.
that boy, jack, came to visit me uring my lonely recesses. it was rather awkwar at first—i coul only stare at him as he ramble on in english. but it was comforting to have some company.
from there, our frienship blossome. our initial conversations must have been hilarious to the hapless bystaner. jack woul speak in fluent english while i spurte sentence after sentence of manarin. it was like watching tennis—rallies of english an manarin back an forth. but i learne quickly, an in no time i was fluent.
jack also showe me the ropes of western culture. heaven knows how embarrassing my birthay party woul’ve been if he han’t tol me about those so-calle “loot-bags” beforehan.
toay, i volunteer at a community service agency for new immigrants where i work with chilren. i o it because i unerstan the confusion an frustration of ealing with a strange an sometimes hostile environment; i remember how it feels to be tangle up in an amalgam of unfamiliar wors an souns. an so i teach them; i give seminars on reaing, writing, an speaking skills as well as western culture, history, an sometimes, a bit of social stuies.
but i strive to o more than just that. i try to be a frien—because i remember how jack helpe me. i organize fiel trips to the science center, the museum, an the symphony: ouble-whammy trips where chilren can have fun while improving their literacy skills.
through these experiences, i try to unerstan each of them as unique iniviuals—their likes, islikes, pet peeves, backgroun.
everyone nees a guiing light through the lonesome process of aaptation, a frienly bump to lift them from the ark shrou of isolation. that’s what jack i for me—with a rather painful bump to the hea—an it’s also what i o for these immigrant chilren.
my hope is that, one ay, these chilren will also feel compelle to o the same, helping others aapt to an unfamiliar environment. with this, we can truly create a caring an cohesive network of support for the chilren of our society.

第八篇essay（作者：chaffee）
i think the most tragic part of my chilhoo originate from my sheer inability to fin anything engrave with my name. i never ha a chaffee license plate on my han-me-own re schwinn. no one ever gave me a key chain or coffee mug with the beautiful loops of those ouble fs an es. alas, i was estine to search through the names; longingly staring at the space between cha an charlotte hoping one ay a miracle woul occur. fortunately, this is one of the few negative aspects of a name like “chaffee uckers.”

my name has always been an integral part of my ientity. sure, it souns a bit like my parents create it from a bag of scrabble tiles, but it comes from a long-lost ancestor, comfort chaffee. now it’s all mine. in my opinion, a name can make or break a person. the ability to emboy a name epens on the iniviual. my greatest goal in life is to be the kin of unique person eserving of a name so utterly ranom an absur.
i began my journey in preschool. nothing about me screame normal. i was not prim, proper, an poise. i preferre sneaking away from my preschool classroom, barefoot, in the purple velvet ress i wore every single ay to resting obeiently uring nap time.
i grew up in a family akin to a moifie bray bunch. stepsisters, half sisters, stepbrothers, an stepparents joine my previously miniscule househol. but in a family of plain names like chris, bill, john, liz, katherine, an mark, i was still the only chaffee.
i was a bit of a reverse black sheep in my family. my name helpe me carve an ientity separate from my myria of siblings. instea of enriching my brain with gran theft auto, i preferre begging my parents to take me to the bookstore. while my parents manate homework time for my brothers, they never questione my work ethic or wiretappe my assignment notebook. the thing that set me apart from the her was that i was self-iscipline enough to take control of my own life. from the very beginning i never epene on my parents’ help or motivation to finish my schoolwork. putting school first came naturally to me, much to the istaste an confusion of my siblings. my work ethic became known as the patente “chaffee metho.”
as i got oler, i began to emboy my name more an more. i in’t want to be that girl with the weir name in the back of the class eating her hair, so i learne how to project my ieas in both written an spoken forms. i was often picke to lea classroom iscussions an my complete isregar for making a fool of myself bolstere that skill. the manner in which i operate acaemically is perfectly escribe as chaffee-esque; incluing but not limite to elaborate stuy songs, complex pneumonic evices, stuy forts, an the occasional john c. calhoun costume.
i take prie in the confusion on a person’s face when they first rea my name. seeing someone struggle over those two unfamiliar syllables fills me with glee. i feel as though i am aing a new wor to their vocabulary. so on my last ay as a page in the u.s. senate, i prepare myself for the anticipate awkwar stumbling as senator harry rei thanke me by name in his closing aress. but the stumble never came. i felt very humble by his perfect pronunciation. perhaps chaffee is actually catching on!

点评：看似在“卖惨”，实际上是在展示自己独一无二的成长经历。一个“chaffee”竟然可以写出这么多故事，切入点很新颖。当然，不是每个人都要讲自己名字的故事，虽然这很容易让人刻意去记下你的名字。通过名字给他带来的“负面”印象，展示自己积极的一面，这种手法有点出奇制胜的感觉，把自己的努力和对学业的偏爱完全展示出来了。通常情况下，招生官很难把申请者的文书完全阅读完，但这样一个引人入胜的展示方法，从写作角度讲，非常高明。

第九篇essay（作者：winnie）

soft wooen heart

the backbone of my life is my writing esk. i like to escribe its surface as an organize mess ﹙espite my parents’ overramatize escription of a bomb site﹚, a state of positive entropy an minimum energy. math exercises overlap an organizer, set next to almost-empty tubes of paint an overue library books. a constantly fille bottle of water sits behin a glasses’ case full of guitar picks, an carve into a mountain of paper, right in the mile, is a space reserve for my laptop—on ays when i am slouching, the complete works of william shakespeare nees to be sli uner it. an eclectic esk shows an eclectic personality; mine has ha the honor of being the training grouns prior to the great ﹙final﹚ battle ﹙exam﹚ of chemistry, the peaceful meaow of relaxe reaing afternoons, an all in all the pristine-turne-colorful canvas of an inquisitive min.

i remember buying it with my mother five years ago, when my bruise knees proteste against the tiny white-paint-gone-yellow one i ha use since chilhoo. my new esk was mae of native rimu heartwoo—soli, resilient, epenable—a perfect role moel for me to grow into. over the years, its material became representative of my new zealan ientity, its surface slowly coate in quirky personality, an its compartments fille with treasure memories; the heartwoo esk echoe my heart.
at first, it i not fit with the ecor of the rest of my room, which even now appears boxy an stark next to my graniosely elegant writing esk, but its quiet strength is unafrai of iniviuality, just as i have learne to become. it has watche as i grew stronger branches, a straighter trunk, firmer roots; whereas i ha once been but a shy young seeling, i sproute leaves an with them the ability an yearning to provie shae for others. i have certainly physically grown into it, but although i woul like to think that i have become completely inepenent, i remain human; in inevitable times of nee, it is still my steafast, stury esk that offers its support.
i sit here an, well, i write: joyfully, esolately, irately, wistfully—at times paralyze by excitement, at others cripple by fear. i scrawl notes in my organizer ﹙which is, naturally, not in the least organize﹚, wors overflow my blog, overemotional oranges an blues plague my illustrations; shallow scratch marks inent the woo from where i have presse too passionately into paper. it may be soli, but it is elastic enough to be shape, resilient enough to aapt: this is my soft wooen heart.
it can take it. my esk remains constant espite scars of experience—unassuming, stoic, ever watchful. even when i ismembere ying cell phones, their frail key tones pleaing for mercy, the esk stoo there, nonchalant. regarless of what fervor goes on from time to time, it knows there will eventually be a constant calm; my lively nest of rebuilt mobiles still calls this place home. sometimes, i rest my uncertain hea on its reassuring soli surface an the woo presses back into my heartbeat, communicating in morse: “on’t worry. some things will never change.”
an, like a mother, it always turns out to be right. beneath my seemingly chaotic coat of papers an objects; beneath the superfluous, temporary things that efine my present life, my esk an my heart remain still—soli, stable, an evergreen, reay to be written onto an scratche into by experience.

希望以上9篇文书，能给大家今年的文书创作带来更多灵感。

想获得更多文书指导，欢迎向美国部资深顾问杨茗棋老师咨询！