关闭

免费领取各国最新留学手册

意向国家及地区
意向学段
获取验证码

我已阅读并同意 《隐私保护协议》

免费下载
搜索
关注我们

留学官方微信

留学官方微博

400-010-8000

关于金吉列

留学

留学攻略 留学规划师 英国 美国 日本 加拿大
新西兰 澳大利亚 韩国 欧洲 亚洲 中国香港

热门

留学产品 最新资讯 院校排名
合作院校 精彩讲座 成功案例

申请

能力提升 语言提升
面试指导 签证准备

生活

留学安全 海外生活
实习就业 移民置业

工具栏

费用计算

微信扫码体验

免费评估

在线咨询

电话咨询

分公司电话

400-010-8000

免费咨询电话

400-010-8000

到店咨询

免费领取留学邀请函
意向国家及地区
意向学段

请留下您的信息,我们将有专人与您联系

获取验证码
我已阅读并同意《隐私保护协议》
立即领取

金吉列留学北京总部

北京市朝阳区永安东里甲2号院通用国际中心B座6层

010-56836688

复制地址
到店咨询
0
0
0
首页 文章详情

美国名校公开6篇优秀申请文书和招生官点评!!

王萌
2022-06-06 15:25:15
人浏览
0
0
美国名校埃默里大学公开6篇优秀申请文书和招生官点评!!

美国大学申请,除了GPA、班级排名,标化成绩这些之外,更重要的就是文书和推荐信了,换句话说硬件是只能帮申请者敲开大学的大门,能否录取,大概率要看文书是否能够打动招生官,因此,文书创作,是每一个申请者在申请季工作的重中之重。

文书的主要任务就是通过文章来彰显你的个性和独特性。那么什么样的文书才是好文书呢?“一千个读者就有一千个哈姆雷特”每个人都会有自己的见解,但这都不重要,重要的是招生官怎么认为。

为了让大家对文书创作有更清晰的认知,埃默里大学的招生官为新一届申请者分享往年申请者的优秀Personal Statment,用以说明一份好的PS可以涉及各种主题,但最终要展示学生的性格、好奇心和声音。这几篇PS被选中的原因各不相同,因此都附上了招生官的点评。


文书一:探索问题的一面

Essay题目:Describe a topic, iea, or concept you fin so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why oes it captivate you? What or who o you turn to when you want to learn more?

I tap my re pen inattentively against the raft sitting before me. After some silent musing, I finally rag a line of ink through a phrase an rewor it in small, loopy letters above. As a final thought, I circle the space between two wors. My writer forgot the Oxfor comma. Again.

The Oxfor comma is the comma use after the penultimate item in a list. I learne about this majestic piece of punctuation at an early age an wonere how anyone coul avocate against it. How coul anything that as so much clarity, while requiring so little effort, be controversial? When I joine my school’s newspaper in sophomore year an learne that AP style oes not use the comma, I was shocke. Therefore, when I became Managing Eitor my senior year, my first initiative was reinstating it.

Others might fin this to be a trivial concern, but you know what they say about the evil: he lives in the etails. It is part of my personal philosophy that etails are the most essential part of any plan or project; they are what separates the ba from the goo, an the goo from the great. Details are vital to my work as a copy eitor. Occasionally, writers groan when they hear that I will be the one eiting their story, but that’s how you know you’re oing a goo job.

An effective copy eitor will o more than correct punctuation: they’ll etect structural problems an preict questions that reaers will ask so the writer can answer them. Writers may not love having to make so many changes, but they finish the news cycle with a prouct they are prou of.

My attention to etails, like that elusive comma, oes more than make me a goo worker: it makes me a goo communicator. I listen carefully to people, to etails, an I think they matter. I like to share my own opinions through writing an photography, but more than that, I like to share the stories of others. This past summer, I ha the opportunity to meet a number of community workers an write about them for the regional newspaper. I got to meet an tell the stories of a couple who owne one of the last free community pools an taught kis to swim without taking out a salary, an a woman in her twenty-secon year of running a volunteer event which grants unerprivilege chilren access to new clothes an school supplies. Being able to give these local heroes the spotlight they eserve was more rewaring than I coul have ever expecte.

What makes me unique is that I on’t just notice etails, I care about them. I think clarity of communication is the most vital an most neglecte aspect of a functional society. That is why I believe journalism an communication are important. You can’t move someone who is stuck in their ways by spouting facts an figures at them. You convince people by telling stories, stories that appeal to our share humanity.

Reporting is community builing, an we efinitely nee more of that in this ay an age. By listening to etails an sharing observations, I can sometimes help two people who were not able to fin common groun see past their ifferences. I believe this is an important part of being on the newspaper staff an even of being a goo frien. An that is why I care about communication, an by extension, the Oxfor comma

招生官点评

作为招生官,我们有时喜欢将申请视为一个故事。申请的每一部分——成绩单、论文、推荐信——都集中在一起,给出了一个深入的例子,说明每个学生是谁,以及是什么在个人和学术上激励了他们。

通过该学生的申请,很明确的感受到学生对新闻和讲故事的热情。他能够利用像牛津逗号争议这样平凡的东西来背景化他们的优势并详细阐述两个有意义的经历——作为学校报纸的执行编辑和作为当地报纸的实习生。他不会像已经提供的简历那样简单地列出他们的成就,也不会讲述一个单一的故事来解释他们的观点。他使用牛津逗号无缝地编织了一个叙述,从而使学生的兴趣变得生动起来。

这篇文章帮助我们作为招生委员会更好地了解申请人的整体情况。如果没有这篇文章,这个学生的故事将是不完整的。

文书二:讲述具有挑战性的事件

Essay题目:Some stuents have a backgroun, ientity, interest, or talent so meaningful they believe their application woul be incomplete without it. If this souns like you, please share your story.

For the first three years of my life, my name was not Omar. In secret it was, but in secret was no way to live. To the worl, I was eciely to be a stranger to my own name. In public my family calle me by a name eerily similar to mine: “Ammar.” I crie out an correcte them each time, only to be slappe on the mouth an sternly orere to bite my tongue. Eyes wickely stare on from behin the shaows, an slowly our public outings became less an less frequent, until my every request to play outsie was ecisively enie. I whine an begge, but the ecision was as unyieling as their towering stance above me.

Only years later woul I come to unerstan that they were merely protecting me from the encompassing shaows stalking behin. Only then woul I come to unerstan the extent of the bitter religious clash between Islam’s two branches, Sunni an Shia.

Following the fall of Iraq in 2003, tensions turne ealy an rules cease. Several names of religious significance effectively became eath sentences. My name was one of those eath sentences. I was marke by a conflict I was too young to comprehen.

Uncertainty turne to fear when the looming threat of violence came in the form of a eath threat to my father. Soon, family an community members became targets of an inconceivable evil; a frien of the family was murere for aiing isplace Sunni Iraqis; a bombing rocke my brother’s school an shattere his innocence into a million shars. We were targets, an my ientity was a possible catalyst provoking evil into harming those protecting me from wicke eyes.

My family ecie that remaining in Iraq was no longer an option. So, one ay in 2006, uner the cover of night, we took what little possessions we coul carry into our cars an fle across the borer. When complete isorer an conflict le to intensifie blooshe, our hopes of one ay returning to our homelan were ashe an left broken.

Joran became our new refuge; my name was returne to me, yet in the chaos an uncertainty, I ha lost my country an people. I trae my home for a refuge. My accent, alien to the other chilren, rew in laughter. My nationality, ifferent an frowne upon, resulte in new pairs of conescening eyes which gaze beyon my humanity towars my parents’ lives. Their grueling toil generate minimal income as perceptions of refugees engenere no empathy among the hiring class. I ha within my grasp my own name, my ientity, yet I felt more like a stranger than when I onne another name.

Ammar was human, I was not. Ammar ha a home, I lost mine. Here, I ha none but my family an they ha none but me.

Years of acting out at home an school passe. Yet in 2013, a phone call from our cousins in America funamentally change my life: “Your UN file got accepte!” cheery faces announce, “We will be seeing you in a week.” The sheer excitement I felt at that moment was only contraste with the saness that overcame me two ays before eparture: saness of a life unfinishe. I ha to move. Again.

Relocation ha once isturbe my pursuit for ientity. Now it oes nothing short of offer me an opportunity to explore a future in which I set what efines my character.

We lane. On our way from the airport, I reste my hea onto the winow of the van an reame of what I hope to accomplish. Despite the perversions suffere in Iraq an Joran, I aapte. I can o it again. Yes, I lost my country an ientity, but America gave me back both. I am about to become a US citizen: like Ammar, I now have a home – a home that is foune on ientity an community.

招生官点评

我一直建议学生分享他们的故事,无论是积极的还是具有挑战性的,都应该以最诚实的声音分享。这份个人陈述揭示了主题:国籍、多样性、诚实、适应性、变化,但最重要的是,希望和乐观。这句话是发自内心的,但不是压倒性的情绪化。它带领读者踏上全球旅程,介绍具有挑战性的体验,同时也提醒我们第二次机会的价值。这份个人陈述的作者表明,脆弱和勇气永远不会过时,归根结底,我们都希望有机会重新开始。

                          文书三:写下你感兴趣的东西

Essay题目:Some stuents have a backgroun, ientity, interest, or talent so meaningful they believe their application woul be incomplete without it. If this souns like you, please share your story.

I foun solace in poetry. Well, poetry recitation more precisely. Unconsciously, I have strale a ivie my whole life. My parents are immigrants, an when I starte school, my parents an my peers mae me aware of my ifferences. Unlike some of my peers, I ha to act a certain way or prove I was capable of accomplishment to achieve greater opportunities. Naturally, I acclimate to my environment: I mae friens with the white kis who harly got in trouble, even though I looke ifferent; I rea an spoke exclusively English, even though Spanish came more naturally; at playtime, I woul always make-believe that I marrie the princess, even though I woul have like just as much to have marrie a prince. I mastere the art of coe-switching. In my min, my vitality an my capacity to succee in Not-Quite-Rural-But-Still-Agricultural Georgia hinge upon my presentation of palatability to my peers. Even still, I constantly obsess over my peers’ perceptions of me. Do I come off as too arrogant? Too overly-intellectual? Too “colorful”? Too silly an grounless? I work tirelessly to ajust for these possibilities.

Early on, I gravitate towar poetry as a meium for expression. Each ay, I ajuste myself more an more to fit the expectations which infuse my small southern town. In public, though outwarly approachable, I critically analyze each move I mae an wor I spoke. In the literary arts, however, I coul see things the way others saw them an ientify myself with language that spoke irectly to my experiences. In school, I was careful to never appear too Hispanic for fear of succumbing to a stereotype of being uner-eucate or uninforme; at home, never too flamboyant, lest my parents become suspicious that something is awry; always, never too outsie-the-norm. In poetry though, I coul become Oscar Wile an Maya Angelou, taking on their plights an their triumphs. I coul escape into Nerua’s wistfulness or Hughes’ sentimentality. I coul, for a brief perio, remove myself from my own reality, rife with incessant existential questioning, an place myself in another, ivining from the iction an structure a sort of psychoanalysis to be applie to my conscientious unerstaning of human interaction.

When I was first assigne a poetry recitation in American Literature, I in’t realize it woul change my outlook forever. Eagerly, I seize the opportunity to express myself openly through poetry. Having shie away from theatre for fear of being categorize or negatively conceive, I reaily accepte the challenge to explore my emotional an performative range. The recitation competition calle Poetry Out Lou asks stuents to memorize poems an recite them in such a way which reveals their eeper meanings. I felt reay. I got to the regional-level competition uring sophomore year, an my elation an excitement about the mere existence of this program resulte in my pursuant interest. At last, I foun a meium, a wie-reaching community of support through which I might finally come to unerstan the purposes an effects of my struggles. Poetry allowe me to truly observe the wires in which we entangle ourselves an cemente the iea that I ha for so long ignore: everyone shares struggles, be they large or small, an life is a quest to overcome them.

With junior year came the guiance of increible an supportive mentors that le me to that stage in Washington, D.C. where I won thir place nationally in the Poetry Out Lou recitation competition. I ha never felt so accomplishe an bursting with resolution. To myself, even if to no one else, I proclaime resolutely that I am Latino, I am bisexual, I am unafrai, an I am intellectually charge with fining how best to help others who have face oubts similar to those I ha. Surroune by the iversity an fiery passion of fellow solace-seekers, I began to uno the ties in which I’ confine myself.

招生官点评

选择论文主题的最大挑战之一是确定您要分享的内容与您希望读者了解您的内容之间的区别。大多学生只是分享申请部分中提供的信息。这位申请人不仅分享了他们对诗歌日益增长的热爱,而且还帮助我们了解了他们所在世界的细微差别。通过这篇文章,特别是在第一段中,我们深入了解了他们在努力适应同龄人的同时,与文化和个人身份的斗争。通过讲述这些非常个人的经历,学生将纸上的文字转化为一种非常人性化的体验,让读者能够联系并洞察他们是谁。

除了分享个人经历和让读者与读者建立联系之外,还可以很好地利用他们的自然声音。太多次学生觉得需要添加大词并过度使用同义词库,而不是仅仅使用他们每天使用的语言。你的智力将通过你的成绩单和你的推荐来显示,所以没有必要使用你日常生活中所做的任何语言。这是一篇优秀的文章的原因在于它是真实的,显示出一定的脆弱性,并突出了萌芽的学术兴趣。最重要的是,我觉得这篇文章不是为委员会的招生顾问写的,而是一种自我表达的形式,突出了他们作为年轻人的个人旅程。


文书四:诗歌和散文可以提升你的文书展现

Essay题目:Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve alreay written, one that respons to a ifferent prompt, or one of your own esign.

ohHhh I uh umMm in’t know

my aH parents n-never sai they never tOl me

how was I suppose to…he eventually roppe the

impersonation comes from the Latin wors into & persona literally meaning into person. this man swallowe & spit back her strangle voice as if it was stuttere, cracke, unworthy of its wors.

parents can be blame for things,

but teen girls can never accept responsibility he sai.

maybe he thought my voice soune like hers too & maybe that’s why I in’t ask a single question even when he i. he aske every ethnic person there what country they were from & he sai something like

riving is as angerous as living in a war zone,

no offense to the people from Syria in the back of the room

I on’t know exactly, because I was whispering to

Kayleigh in the beginning was quiet. I whispere to her this is terrible because I coul hear her small puffs of isbelief & I realize she was the only person in the room I truste, not even myself, because I was smiling & laughing even when he mae her come up as a voluntol & he sai to her that he always picke on the heaviest girl in the class for this exercise, & when she spoke her voice shook & cracke & i you know that it was me? That I was the voluntol? that I was so ashame of circumstance I pretene it was Kayleigh? it ie before it really came out, my voice, which has one impossible things, stoo tall in courtrooms, refuse to melt by the firesie as my family ebate politics, raise itself from the grave when it neee to at cheap shots, at poetry slams, at two faces, my voice, this increible thing, was reuce to speaking in

whispers seeme to catch his eye so we stoppe eventually. something about neeing that certificate, something about the power he ha, something about how the guy who couln’t speak English was calm in the corner… then Kayleigh whispere Trump 2020; I stoo up. I calmly tol this instructor off, I tol him that he was ignorant, that he was wrong, that a sixteen-year-ol teen girl knew more than he i. I left the class because I was strong enough to o it. I i, I really

i you know that I staye until the en without so much as a wor of justice? i you know it woul be so easy to lie on this page? I crumple my name tag when leaving & he sai something like thanks or it was a pleasure but I ran quickly before his wors coul lick my skin again. I in’t play music from empowering female artists on the way home because I was scare their lyrics ha change. I ran to my room, unravele in the closet, plugge my ears & whispere I’m not real over & over again listening to my boy hack at itself & I wonere how many calories I’ burn by crying & I wonere why I wasn’t saying it is not real & then I realize I was the monster in my

own closet. I was hane this legacy of justice from every woman in history’s bruise ribs, from the pouning of every gavel’s eman, from the set of my mother’s jaw. this man, he ha a bat that smacke out shame, but the bloo I left on the carpet carrie the rage of bloolines; I

scream back.

招生官点评

文章提示的最后一句是“of your own esign”,虽然提示直接允许学生提交和/或写自己选择的文章,但提示间接允许学生利用给定的空间进行创作。创造性写作和其他艺术作品一样,是由作者和读者共同决定的。有时这两个定义是一致的,而在另一些时候它们是相互竞争的,这是个人陈述的挑战之一;学生应该用创造性的形式写文章,比如诗歌、歌曲或上面的文章。每个学生都决定了他们个人陈述的创作风格和方向。你的文章传统上是用段落和散文写的吗?或者你写了一篇走在创作道路上的文章,冒着读者对这段旅程不熟悉的风险?让我明确一点:这个问题没有正确或错误的答案。也就是说,在我为这篇文章写反馈的时候,创作方向对这个学生很有效。我们很少读这种文体的文章,虽然有风险,但却相当令人耳目一新,发人深省。如果你的文章风格是真实的,那就值得冒险。

这篇文章我读了很多遍,每次都有新发现。有时,我会找到前面问题的答案。其他时候,我被留给更多的问题,虽然在一个好奇的方式,而不是作家的批评。作为一个例子,我仍然在思考在文章中定义“模仿”的目的。在这篇文章中,作者是不是在模仿某人,也许是他们自己?或者这个选择只是为了给说教者增加一层额外的特征?在文体上与众不同的是,这种个人陈述让你对逗号、符号和缺少大写的标点符号(或缺少标点符号)背后的意向性感到疑惑。从一个词组到另一个词组的移动微妙地允许时间流逝,每一个思想都以另一个开始而结束。这个学生打算利用埃默里大学广受好评的创意写作课程。知道了这一点,思考的风格和表达方式会产生真诚的兴奋,思考这个学生下一步会做什么。

这种个人陈述值得多次推敲,重点是它的风格和内容。学生的个人陈述是围绕着自我宣传的一刻展开的,是对女性赋权的反思,也可能是对青少年焦虑的反思。这个话题被用作更好地了解学生的工具。被认为是软弱和不负责任的学生,这篇文章展示了他们的行动和语言的勇气和使用自己的声音的力量。对话的使用并没有破坏个人陈述的流畅性,相反,它有助于性别歧视和可能的仇外心理的整体人格化。

这种非正统的方法可能不是每个人都喜欢的风格。但是,归根结底,个人陈述对作者来说应该是个人的、真实的,而不是为了安抚读者而写的。另外,这篇文章立刻引起了你的注意,不是吗?                                                                                                                                       

文书五:使用特性化描述来展示你的写作技巧

Essay题目:Describe a topic, iea, or concept you fin so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why oes it captivate you? What or who o you turn to when you want to learn more?

I have to amit, when I first rea the song title “Moanin'”, I thought it ha certain innuenos.

“Are you serious right now?” I stare across the table at Parker, a six foot five eleventh graer with long re hair that cascaes own his shoulers, a spoon in one han an phone in the other, iligently playing Worl of Warcraft. He remins me of a princess, in the weirest way, he’s so…ainty. I always laugh thinking about the juxtaposition between his looks an his personality.

He rolls his eyes, elicately rests his spoon on the bowl of mac an cheese, places both of his hans on the table, an looks at me pointely in exasperation.

“Yes. You have to listen to it. ‘Moanin” is the greatest jazz song to ever exist.” A piece of cheese flies off his lip an hits my face. I flinch internally.

“As if. Not that kin of song. I’m honestly isguste, Parker.” He gasps in feigne shock, like we haven’t ha this conversation 200 times before this moment an I try not to laugh.

“First of all, it’s not even about that. Secon, you’re listening to it.” As he goes back to playing his game, I am left to poner: How great coul this song possibly be?

I know now that “Moanin'” by Art Blakey an the Jazz Messengers might just be the greatest jazz recor to ever exist. When those rums hit after the first chorus, they hit ifferent.

I’ve always known that I love jazz. However, it never occurre to me how ifficult it was to explain until I was attacke with the question: “What’s so great about jazz?” Suenly, I was speechless. Why am I so rawn to jazz? After all, I am originally a classically traine musician. But once jazz entere my life (in the form of the golike, ethereal Kenny G), I’ve never been the same.

In an attempt to answer this question that plague me, I began listing out all the traits about jazz that I love: its vibrance, unpreictability, ever-changing nature, spontaneity, an yet its ability to be soul wrenchingly emotional. Suenly, the answer hit me like Art Blakey’s rum set on the opening chorus of “Moanin'”: I love jazz because jazz is me.

When I think of jazz, I think of colors. So many colors, like a thousan rainbows were poure into a blener, showere onto a page, an translate into music. I see that color in my personality. I’m vibrant an colorful, an sometimes expressive to the point where there are so many things happening at once it’s har to take in. That’s how jazz is. I often fin myself listening to the same jazz recors over an over, iscovering something new every time. I’m passionate an bol, I’m sassy like Lee Morgan’s trumpet solo on “‘Moanin'”. Jazz oesn’t apologize for what it is, it just is. Likewise, I’ve learne to be unapologetic in who I am.

Jazz is unpreictable an spontaneous. When flashes of inspiration come to me, I ance in my room until 2 AM on a school night, the arenaline of oing something so extemporaneous is enough to keep me awake. Furthermore, as a jazz musician, I have evelope a remarkable ability to aapt to rapily changing circumstances.

But my favorite thing about jazz, an my favorite thing about myself, is that it is ever changing. I’ve always sai that in jazz, you never play the same song twice. Who I am toay is a prouct of years of changing, learning, growing an evolution. Like jazz, I on’t strive to be perfect, I just strive to be my most authentic self.

So why am I so rawn to jazz? I guess because I see it in myself, I hear myself in the way it’s playe. That’s the beauty of fining music that fits you so well, it becomes you.

招生官点评

当我们花费数月时间阅读申请材料时,我们的团队试图在每个文字中看到人性。我们想了解我们的申请人,而申请的写作部分经常是我们可以做到最好的地方。由于作者写的是爵士乐,这个主题显然是真正感兴趣的,我们能够从这些文字中提取个性。作者风度翩翩,通过生动活泼的介绍,我们可以想象这个学生在我们的校园社区中。而且,在整篇文章中,作者的文笔细腻成熟,但依然坦率、脚踏实地。这篇文章读起来好像这个学生正在和我们说话,分享一个关于与同龄人对话的故事。

在文章的后半部分,作者将他们对爵士乐的热爱与他们的生活轶事融为一体。有时,学生的话题和他们的个性之间的类比可能让人觉得有些牵强。然而,在这里,作者的比较提供了对他们的习惯和想法的额外洞察。作者分享了申请材料中其他地方没有的信息,例如他们的自发性和真实性,更不用说他们对爵士音乐本身的兴趣。我们在论文中发现了这个申请人的兴趣,并且通过这样做,能够更全面地了解这个申请人。

文书六:用你真实的视角

Essay题目:Some stuents have a backgroun, ientity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application woul be incomplete without it. If this souns like you, then please share your story.

Over the past half-century, the crosswins of social an economic change sweeping through Nebraska’s small towns have left me an my family, alongsie many others across our state, straling a teious tightrope between the ol an the new, the familiar an the foreign.

All my life, I’ve been shape by the collision between the rural, small-town currents of my upbringing an the city-slicker worl of tall builings an traffic jams I’ve largely grown up in. By this, I on’t mean cornfiels an mainstreets melting away uner the pressures of urban expansion. I mean the collision between two vastly ifferent worlviews—one eeply suspicious an istrustful of outsiers, manifeste aroun me through my granfather’s iatribes bemoaning the parasitism of immigrants or his eftness in ealing out wors I’ve been taught to consier unspeakable, an the other warm an welcoming, centere aroun a househol that counts inclusiveness as a primary virtue an has embrace the evolving nature of Nebraska’s ientity.

To unerstan the tumult of emotions interwoven within this collision, it is critical to unerstan that, over the past several ecaes, rural blight has escene upon communities across Nebraska. As families like mine have emigrate to larger towns an cities in search of greater opportunity, rural populations have winle, an hospitals an businesses have shuttere. In aition—an particularly relevant to my experience of Nebraska’s rural crisis—a wave of major emographic shifts have left many communities across my state broken an hurting. From Schuyler to O’Neill, from Lexington to Fremont, increasingly large international immigrant populations have been caught in the chokehol of a vehement an metastasizing nativism. This fervent anti-immigrant sentiment, rather than promoting some istorte iea of cultural integrity, has left entire communities—ol bloo an newcomer alike—uner the weight of suffocating suspicion an hatre as unprepare school istricts buckle an ambush-like ICE rais tear families apart. The situation in much of rural Nebraska, to put it bluntly, is ire.

An so, this summer, etermine to glean a more complete unerstaning of this issue an its effects on my family, I travele to live an work on the family farm, which is manage primarily by my granparents. The experience was instructive—in a time of trae wars an tariffs, I was remine of the tremenous economic pressure uner which farmers operate. But, far more eye-openingly, it gave me a new appreciation for the social an cultural strain bearing on rural Nebraska. For context, it is helpful to unerstan that the nearest town has unergone a transition from nearly homogeneously white to over 70 percent Hispanic in just the past three ecaes. Many evenings, as my granparents an I sat own to supper, a soft vitriol woul pervae the conversation as my granparents exchange worrie comments about the new an burgeoning Suanese population in town or the Mexicans working at the Cargill plant.

Welcome to racism in my worl.

It’s soft, it’s private, an it’s the most bareface form of racism I’ve ever encountere. It hurts me to know that two of the people I love an amire most in the worl have been brought to hate their neighbors an blame them for the much broaer issues facing rural America. It hurts me to know that many groups of people simply seeking security—people who, in fact, will likely prove vital to the survival of small-town Nebraska—are facing a chilling welcome in a state I am otherwise so eeply prou of.

Though prejuice might be stubborn, I am too. My writing on the subject has receive national recognition, I care for refugee families through my school, I’ve correspone with my electe representatives, an I’ve engage in thoughtful, compassionate ialogue with my granparents. It’s harer to hate people if you unerstan them, after all. I believe that eucation an reconciliation are vital to the recovery of my state an our broken communities, an I’m oing my best to facilitate, wherever I can, the beginning of this healing.

招生官点评

这篇文章写起来不容易。对每个人来说,家庭和家庭都是复杂的,尽管有些人比其他人更复杂。很少有人谈论自己成长过程的复杂性,更很少有人愿意公开分享家中晚餐时发生的种族主义对话。然而,这不是一篇激进的文章。尽管使用了诸如家庭、爱情和敬佩之类的词语,这些词语常常表达一种亲近感,但作者还是写了一篇有点遥远的文章。分享的每一条信息都经过计算和测量,以便读者对这个学生的环境有一个非常具体的了解。对内布拉斯加州农村的描述读起来就像经济历史学家的话,不一定是你平均17岁的孩子。

作者成熟而深思熟虑的语法无疑让这篇文书增色不少。“The crosswins of social an economic change”和“the chokehol of a vehement an metastasizing nativism”。这些是真正有天赋的作家的短语,他们努力工作使每一个词都能产生影响。这篇文书中我最喜欢的词是最后一句:healing。经过多次阅读,这篇文章本可以有一个不同的,可能更明确,转向。相反,我相信作者为这种遥远的语调提供了一种解释,他们也在治愈。

以上就是我今天给大家分享的6篇申请埃默里大学的文书,希望对接下来你的文书创作有所帮助。

开启美国留学之旅 立即咨询
评论
更多留学话题
美国录取捷报 美国留学申请攻略 美国留学产品 美国留学专业解析 美国留学职场就业发展 美国留学生活 美国留学时讯 美国签证指导 美国大学排名 美国成功案例
王萌
6年经验 擅长美国
17710313365
立即咨询

您好,我是金吉列留学金牌顾问王萌,请留下您现阶段遇到的问题,我会第一时间联系您解答!

意向国家及地区
获取验证码
我已阅读并同意《隐私保护协议》
立即提交
美国留学实用指南
研究生申请
本科申请
高中申请
查专业
看排名
能力提升
推荐产品
  • 美国高端本科:金鹏计划
    高端规划师全程辅导 高端文案全程申请服务 提高名校录取率
    了解详情
  • 职场C计划
    名企导师1V1留学求职“私教” 全方位专业解析+求职规划指导 助你通关求职之路,一步到位,稳站 C 位!
    了解详情
  • 海外名校学术科研
    线上直播授课方式与名校学者进行学术合作 积累相关领域前沿的知识和发展方向
    了解详情
关闭
2022年行前资料准备包 电子版免费领取

icon

获取验证码

立即下载
icon icon

我已阅读并同意 《隐私保护协议》